What Goes Up Must Come Down, Way Down

July 24
Sunday

Sunday morning I was up bright and early for an encore presentation of Jigglevision 2005 in the ofuro. By 8:30 am I was back at the corner Starbucks (#2)studying my tourist maps and planning my day. It really was the only place open so early. Later I would realize that this visit was the second of SIX separate Starbucks visits in three days. Believe me when I tell you that visits three through five were absolutely essential for my mental survival. More on that later.

I bought a daily bus pass that allowed me to crisscross the city with relative ease. The city bus map provided by the ryoken looked complex, but ended up being fairly easy to follow. As usual, I lost my way a couple of times, but figured I figured it out.

First stop was Nijo castle, the official residence of the Tokugawa Shogun Ieyasu. I have no idea who that is, but he was obviously important because the place was huge and has been designated as an “Important Cultural Property.”

I spent about two hours touring the place with a rented headset playing a pre-recorded walking tour. I don’t have any photos from inside the castle because the place is kept very dark in order to preserve the Kano paintings that adorn the walls of every room. No photography and no shoes are allowed inside. Without a doubt, the coolest part of touring the castle was the Uguisi-Bari (Nightingale Floor). The builders created a fool-proof security system through strategic placement of nails under the floorboards that squeak like the sound of birds when even the slightest pressure is put on the.

After touring the castle and grounds, I stopped to get some water and met two Americans. They are a married couple, military, who have lived near Tokyo for two years. They were interesting in their near total lack of interest in the Japanese and their culture. With only an ounce or two of embarrassment, they told me that they rarely leave the base, watch mostly satellite TV, and speak very little Japanese because they don’t have to. However, they did fill me in on an important news story: Saturday’s earthquake in Tokyo. I looked at my watch and knew it was too early to call the folks at home.

After Nijo, I headed over to the Heian Shrine which was a total waste of time. It’s huge and orange and it was in the middle of being set up for some kind of concert. I peeked in, took a few pictures and got out.

After a quick stop in Maruyama Park (and the Yasaka Shrine) to check out a festival featuring Taiko drummers, I headed down to wander through the back streets of Gion. The cobblestone streets have many shops, restaurants, and tea shops. I poked around, bought some omiyage for the peeps at home, and had lunch a little place that looked kind of like a treehouse.


Unfortunately, I had to kiss Kyoto goodbye and head to Osaka. I had a business meeting there scheduled for Monday so I decided to stay there overnight and check out the town. This was a terrible mistake.

I made the 30-minute trip to Osaka by the JR regional train line. It was a fairly easy trip despite the heat and the crowds. The hotel I was booked in was “a 5-minute walk” from Osaka station. Technically, this is true. Unfortunately, the area around Osaka station is an Escher painting come to life. There are four train stations that all have similar sounding names and almost identical entrances and exits. There were mobs of people rushing around. Unlike Tokyo, very few signs were posted in English. I wandered around the area, with bag and baggage, consulting two maps, in 95 degree heat for an hour. I asked for and received directions which only confused me more. Finally, in tears and near collapse, I saw a familiar green and white sign: Starbucks (trip #3). It was inside a mall complex called HEP FIVE. I found it with help from an English-speaking HEP FIVE employee, who would later be instrumental in actually finding my hotel. But at the time, the only words I could get out were: “Starbucks, onegai shimasu?” Once inside, I noticed that there was another foreigner there. I wanted to talk to him, but I had worked myself into such a state of internal hysteria, that I would have definitely bawled my eyes out all over his clean white t-shirt if he had even said hello. One latte and a handful of tissues later, I found the English speaking HEP FIVE guy and he helped me find the hotel. Which, by the way, I never would have found on my own.

The Hotel Kitahachi was a very crappy place that looked clean but had a funny smell. After the hospitality and charm of the ryokan, this place was like motel hell. I hated it on sight. My ill feelings were confirmed when I saw cell #203. It was cramped and gray and made me feel worse. Why had I left lovely Kyoto? I took a quick shower and headed back outside to find some food. I prowled around the HEP FIVE until I found a soba place that looked decent. After dinner, I found the movie theatre in the complex. Unfortunately, the only movies playing were part of the Kansai Queer Film Festival. I wasn’t emotionally stable enough for Japanese queers, so I did some window shopping instead. After a while, I went to another mall complex (there are a seemingly endless number of them. Or are they all the same? I had no idea). This one also had a movie theatre that was playing “War of the Worlds.” I bought myself a ticket and wasted two hours watching aliens destroy Hoboken.