The No Exit Row

Thursday, November 3

When they told me I’d be seated in the exit row, I thought: “Great! More leg room!” But, apparently Qantas had other ideas. I was shoved into the window seat next to the exit, which had some sort of hump feature that hit right around my knees. The magazine pocket for all three seats was jammed in there too. I was sitting with a German couple who looked less than thrilled to see that they were to be seated next to a hacking, irritated American.

As soon as possible, I pantomimed a request for multiple glasses of water. Then I took some Advil, an Ambien, and my new “cough powder” which tasted exactly the way I imagine rat poison would taste. I fell into an uncomfortable sleep. I’m not exactly sure what happened next, but I woke up eyeball to eyeball with a very unamused Frau. I think I might have tried to snuggle. I slurred an apology and stumbled to the ladies room. When I came out, there was a flight attendant there asking me if I was feeling OK. I waved him away and dove back into my seat. I noticed that Frau and her husband switched seats which I thought was odd.